Longing

I am going through a mid-life crisis.  I am not yet 18, and I am already to the point where I hate the world and everything in it.  Why?  I can't for the life of me answer that.  I have no idea why I feel this way, and no idea how to stop it. 

I look at myself as I am now and compare it to who I thought I was going to be when I was younger, and I lose hope of ever being happy again. 

I haven't fully cried in over 5 years.  I have had the teary-eyed moments, and the "sob just a little bit after a lose" stuff, but I haven't actually cried in over 5 years.  I don't know if I can anymore. 

I miss crying.  It was a sign of being a kid.  Of being innocent.  When you are a kid and something makes you mad, you would cry.  I can't do that.  Now I just get angry.  When a pet died, you cried because you were sad.  Now I just get angry.  When you did something you shouldn't have, you cried.  Now I just get angry. 

I was never angry when I was young.

  Something changed.